Afenyo-Markin Cancels Defamation Suit After Jesus Declines to Be Star Witness

ACCRA—Minority Leader Alexander Afenyo-Markin has cancelled his threatened defamation suit against Sammy Gyamfi after Jesus Christ declined to appear as star witness, maintaining the same silence that qualified him for the role.

Afenyo-Markin had earlier promised legal remedies over statements he considered defamatory, but later explained that Jesus was also accused and “kept quiet.” His lawyers therefore prepared to call Christ as the leading authority on surviving allegations without filing at the High Court. Repeated prayers for a witness statement produced no audible response, while a summons addressed to Heaven was returned because the proposed witness was everywhere but unavailable for cross-examination. Counsel then discovered that forcing Jesus to testify would destroy the very precedent they hoped to establish.

The legal team has consequently replaced the writ with a period of dignified watching. Any future accusation will be entered into a silent evidence bundle, observed maturely and answered only after somebody confirms what Jesus would have done with Facebook. Sammy Gyamfi has been advised that no case is currently before the courts, though he may still be tried in the court of biblical comparison, where the plaintiff supplies the parable and the witness refuses to comment.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.