Ahiagbah Declares Atlantic Ocean NPP Stronghold After Finding It Already Blue

ACCRA—The NPP Communications Director has declared the Atlantic Ocean the party’s largest stronghold after inspecting the coast and finding uninterrupted blue stretching beyond the horizon. The First Vice Chairman hopeful said his promise to paint Ghana blue was already substantially fulfilled, with only the dry parts proving difficult.

Campaign organisers have installed a microphone facing the sea and asked fishermen to introduce them to the local branch executives. When the tide advanced during his speech, aides moved the podium backwards and praised the enthusiasm of supporters attempting to reach their candidate. Several volunteers were dispatched with membership forms before returning to request waterproof versions.

Asked how many registered voters the stronghold contained, the director pointed out that nobody had counted it properly because previous organisers had stopped at the beach. His team is now arranging a floating polling station, but has rejected voting at low tide on the grounds that it would deliberately reduce turnout.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.