Data Protection Commission Buys Two Pickups to Chase Personal Data Escaping on Foot

ACCRA—The Data Protection Commission has acquired two pickup trucks to chase personal information escaping from Ghanaian institutions on foot, following the declaration of 2026 as the “Year of Enforcement.” The vehicles will patrol routes between unregistered databases and marketing departments, where improperly secured names, phone numbers and photographs are frequently seen trying to cross into promotional materials.

Officials assigned one pickup to children’s photographs leaving schools without parental consent and the other to health records attempting to enter unfamiliar WhatsApp groups. Officers have been instructed to sound the siren, order the data to remain where it is, and ask the institution pursuing it to produce registration, safeguards and a reasonable explanation for why everybody’s blood pressure is travelling together.

Institutions stopped at Commission roadblocks must open their laptops and declare any personal information hidden in the boot. Data found moving without protection will be wrapped in a privacy tarpaulin, placed carefully in the pickup and returned to its owner. Until regional offices open, citizens reporting a breach should describe which direction their information ran, what it was wearing and whether it appeared to know the password.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.