Duncan-Williams Gets Two-Hour Heaven Visitor Visa, Returns Without Photos

Archbishop Nicholas Duncan-Williams has returned from heaven after a one-hour, 45-minute visit conducted under a two-hour spiritual visitor visa, without producing a single holiday photograph.

The Archbishop reportedly travelled outside his body, saw grass shining like diamonds and met Elder Saki, who arrived in a brilliant white car and issued him a pass back to Earth. Heavenly immigration officials appear to have admitted him for sightseeing but prohibited cameras, souvenirs and the removal of diamond grass. His return pass was accepted with 15 minutes remaining, avoiding the awkward possibility of overstaying eternity.

Members of Action Chapel have nevertheless requested ordinary tourist evidence, including one photograph beside the shining mountain, a parking receipt from Elder Saki’s dream car or at least a fridge magnet reading “Someone Went to Heaven and All I Got Was This Sermon”. Duncan-Williams has provided a precise travel time and detailed itinerary but no boarding pass, hotel bill or cloud-stamped passport. The destination appears to operate entirely outside conventional documentation. Future visitors following spiritual instructions are therefore advised to memorise everything carefully, travel light and understand that heaven’s memories may be everlasting, but its camera policy is extremely strict.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.