GAEC Nuclear Simulator Generates 924 Megawatts of Pretend Electricity

ACCRA — The Ghana Atomic Energy Commission has begun producing up to 924 megawatts of electricity, provided every household agrees to become computer-generated. The output comes from its new nuclear power plant simulator, a training system based on twelve 77-megawatt modules that reproduces reactor controls without the distracting requirement of an actual reactor.

Officials say the facility has immediately become Ghana’s most reliable power plant by never existing. It has recorded no fuel shortages, transmission failures or unpaid ECG bills, and operators can restore the entire national grid by reopening the programme. Simulated customers have reported stable electricity throughout the day, although none has yet managed to iron a real shirt.

GAEC personnel are now practising emergency procedures, including lowering control rods, monitoring reactor conditions and nodding gravely at screens. If an accident occurs, technicians will evacuate the cursor and restart the plant from its last saved file. Nuclear Power Ghana expects the simulator to prepare workers before a real plant is built, although its pretend 924 megawatts have already entered the only national energy forecast guaranteed never to go off.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.