Ghana Recalculates Distance to Togo Using Africa’s Newly Discovered Size

ACCRA—Ghana has begun recalculating the distance to Togo following the United Nations’ approval of a map showing Africa at its true size. A provisional geographical review concluded that if the continent is substantially larger than previously shown, Lomé must also be farther from Accra.

Under the revised estimates, travellers heading through Aflao have been advised to carry additional food, two power banks and enough money for an emergency overnight stay somewhere inside the newly recovered kilometres. Commercial drivers have introduced a temporary “true-size fare” while their unions determine how much extra Africa now lies between Tema and the border.

Togo’s leadership of the campaign has raised further questions over why the country supported a map that quietly moved it farther away from Ghana. Surveyors are stretching measuring tape eastward from Accra, while airlines are reviewing whether existing fuel allocations remain sufficient for West African flights. The exercise will conclude after officials determine whether Burkina Faso remains a neighbouring country or has been pushed behind Niger by the enlargement.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.