Ghana Texts Trump 'Eii. Hmm,' Vows 2000% Retaliatory Tariffs on American Jollof

As global powers responded to Donald Trump’s tariff hikes with countermeasures, Ghana’s official posture settled into the familiar two-word diplomatic instrument: “Eii. Hmm.” The Importers and Exporters Association had called for government action after the United States imposed a 10 percent tariff on Ghanaian imports, warning that exporters and jobs could suffer.

In the Ghanaish reading, the statement was not silence but strategic ambient murmuring. Officials were said to be considering a 2000 percent retaliatory tariff on American jollof, a product whose scarcity in Ghana makes it ideal for sanctions because nobody has to find it first.

The US ambassador maintained that trade ties remained strong, citing gold, gas, automobiles and pharmaceuticals. Ghana’s response, meanwhile, preserved relations by threatening only the non-existent. Analysts said this showed admirable restraint: the country had escalated firmly against a dish no serious Ghanaian importer had yet allowed through customs.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.