Ghana Transfers Galamsey Cleanup To God While Humans Continue Mining

Archbishop Nicholas Duncan-Williams has called on Ghanaians to pray for the restoration of water bodies and lands poisoned by illegal mining, formally expanding God’s portfolio from creating Ghana to repairing what Ghanaians have done to it. The divine assignment also includes preventing food shortages and protecting the Agriculture Minister from the consequences of contaminated soil.

Under the arrangement, illegal miners may continue operating on earth while restoration requests are forwarded to heaven. Rivers turned brown will be attached as supporting documents, degraded farms will be marked urgent, and citizens can expect an acknowledgement once their prayers clear the celestial procurement process. Since the pollution was created through equipment, labour and repeated human decisions, the cleanup will apparently require an institution with powers beyond ordinary regulators.

The prayer-led division of labour is now clear: humans extract the gold, poison the water and weaken the land; God restores the rivers, secures the harvest and answers for food security. If crops eventually fail, leaders can explain that the technical work was completed locally and only the miracle component remains outstanding. Ghana will have successfully transferred the galamsey cleanup without transferring a single miner.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.