High Court Marks Wontumi Absent While Prison Confirms Exactly Where He Is

Accra High Court has marked Bernard Antwi Boasiako, popularly known as Chairman Wontumi, absent from a bail hearing after officials failed to locate him in the one place the state has required him to remain: prison.

The court reportedly adjourned the application to October 15 after Wontumi and his lawyers failed to appear. This leaves prison officials nearly two months to solve the logistical puzzle of transporting a prisoner from prison to court without accidentally releasing him in the corridor. A rehearsal is expected, with one officer holding Wontumi, another holding the bail application, and a third confirming that both are heading for the same courtroom.

The court may also introduce a three-stage attendance register. Wontumi will sign at the prison to prove he is in custody, sign again at court to prove he is not absent, then sign once more after the hearing to confirm that attending his bail application did not itself constitute bail. Until all three signatures match, the safest legal position is to keep him exactly where everyone knows he is and continue marking him absent.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.