John Dumelo Searches Under Parliament’s Chairs and Confirms ‘Money No Dey Inside Like That’

ACCRA—Ayawaso West Wuogon MP John Dumelo has searched under Parliament’s chairs and confirmed that “money no dey inside like that,” ending years of speculation that MPs collect cash simply by sitting down. The inspection began beneath his own seat before extending to the cushions, armrests and small gap where pens, campaign promises and unanswered constituency requests normally disappear.

Dumelo found two paper clips, one old Order Paper and enough dust to form an ad hoc committee, but no direct financial gain. New MPs have consequently been advised to stop shaking their chairs after sittings or arriving early with screwdrivers. Parliamentary staff will also place signs at entrances warning aspirants that the Honourable title is ceremonial and cannot be withdrawn from an ATM.

His discovery that MPs can still use their positions as “leverage” has prompted a second operation involving a crowbar. Members will take turns levering each chair from the chamber floor to determine whether opportunities were installed underneath during construction. Any benefits recovered will be declared, divided by committee and returned to the exact place where money no dey inside like that.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.