Kofi Adams Offers Reward for Anyone Who Can Name a GPL Player

Sports Minister Kofi Adams has announced a national reward for any Ghanaian who can name a current Ghana Premier League player without first mentioning Charles Taylor, Dong Bortey or Ishmael Addo.

The competition follows the minister’s request to know who exactly supporters are being asked to watch when the new season begins. Participants must identify one player, his club and something distinctive about him while standing at least ten metres from Google. Anyone who can produce a jersey with the correct name on the back will proceed automatically to the final round, where they must locate the same player on a billboard.

GFA officials have begun visiting homes with photographs of footballers and asking residents whether they have seen these men. Several players were found training normally, suggesting they had not disappeared physically but only from public knowledge. The eventual winner will receive a season ticket, a blank replica shirt and the responsibility of explaining the entire league to Ghana. Children who once argued over local heroes will also be supplied with laminated introductions before choosing whom to support. Until then, clubs will continue fielding eleven highly trained anonymous citizens every weekend.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.