Local Foods Wear Labels So Supermarkets Stop Calling Them Village People

Local foods have begun reporting to supermarkets in upgraded packaging after Chef Akwetey Ahingwah said attractive presentation could help them compete with imported products.

Gari arrived first in a resealable pouch describing itself as “sun-dried cassava pearls”, while kontomire entered the vegetable aisle wearing a barcode and insisting on “heritage forest spinach”. Prekese has requested a transparent box, a gold ribbon and enough French writing to prevent shoppers from remembering it grew on somebody’s farm. Every package will include a small photograph of the food looking confidently away from the camera.

Supermarkets have been instructed to stop placing local products together in one corner where customers can recognise their relatives. Instead, they will be separated, refrigerated unnecessarily and given prices ending in ninety-nine pesewas. Imported foods are reportedly monitoring the transformation nervously after discovering their principal advantage was cardboard. Farmers have welcomed the change but asked consumers to remember that the food inside remains Ghanaian and may immediately remove its new label upon reaching the soup. Any product still arriving in a plain sack will be counselled privately before entering the city.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.