Parliament Outsources Democracy to Hearts and Kotoko for Ninety Minutes

KUMASI — Parliament has outsourced Ghana’s democracy to Hearts of Oak and Asante Kotoko for ninety minutes after the GFA approved the third Democracy Cup.

While the clubs play at Baba Yara Sports Stadium, parliamentary business will be transferred to the pitch. The coin toss will determine the order paper, goals will count as carried motions, and the referee will become the only official in Ghana permitted to end an argument with one whistle. Supporters may hold placards, but amendments submitted after kickoff will be ruled offside.

Because the series is tied at one victory each, the winning club will become temporary custodian of Ghanaian democratic values until Parliament resumes sitting. The losing side may petition VAR, while a draw will produce a coalition government followed immediately by extra time. A penalty shootout will require every player to state a manifesto before choosing a corner.

At the final whistle, MPs will praise both clubs for competing fiercely while remaining united and peaceful. They will then spend the next sitting disputing added time, the referee’s neutrality and whether the winning goal followed proper parliamentary procedure.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.