Three Arrested Over Unusual Gari Soakings Recipe

An Accra Circuit Court has remanded three people after 869 slabs of suspected cocaine were allegedly discovered inside bags of gari and cassava powder at Tema Harbour. Authorities appear to have interrupted the preparation of an unusual gari-soakings recipe whose secret ingredient required a warehouse, a truck and eventual export to London.

Investigators found the sacks while they were reportedly being loaded for transportation. The proposed serving instructions remain unclear: whether the cocaine should be dissolved before adding water, sprinkled over the gari like sugar, or placed beside the bowl for anyone who found ordinary breakfast insufficiently energetic. The exhibits have been sent to the Forensic Science Laboratory, which must establish which white substance was food and which one made the recipe internationally criminal.

Traditional gari soakings permits milk, sugar and groundnuts according to taste. It does not normally require narcotics officers, forensic scientists or an Accra Circuit Court. The accused remain in custody while investigations continue. If laboratory tests confirm cocaine, Ghana will have discovered the first breakfast recipe whose preparation begins at Tema Harbour and finishes with the cooks on remand.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.