WAEC Predicts Complete Disappearance of English Based on Four-Year Trend

ACCRA—WAEC is preparing for the complete disappearance of English Language following four consecutive years of declining performance. Pass rates fell from 73.11 per cent in 2023 to 62.40 per cent in 2026, confirming that English is not merely performing poorly but gradually leaving the examination.

On its present trajectory, the subject is expected to become statistically unavailable by 2044, with nouns disappearing first, followed by verbs and the final surviving comma. Schools have been advised to preserve commonly used words in glass cabinets, while English teachers may be reassigned to Social Studies, which rose to 78.04 per cent and therefore appears to have enough language for everybody.

Candidates hoping to use English after 2044 will need to apply as private speakers. WAEC’s computers are also being modified to accept blank answer booklets as evidence that the transition is complete. Mathematics improved from 48.73 to 60.75 per cent during the same period, indicating that numbers are steadily replacing words. A future English paper consisting entirely of percentages is now under consideration.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.