Zanetor’s Plan to Replace Plastic Bags With Cassava Faces Fierce Opposition From Fufu Eaters

ACCRA—Zanetor Agyeman-Rawlings’ proposal to develop cassava-based alternatives to plastic bags has met fierce resistance from fufu eaters, who insist the country cannot solve a rubbish problem by creating a lunch problem. Protesters arrived carrying empty bowls, arguing that any cassava strong enough to hold groceries should first be given a chance to hold groundnut soup.

The group has stationed volunteers near research deliveries to inspect whether material labelled “industrial starch” is actually somebody’s Sunday afternoon. One delegation interrupted a demonstration by asking scientists to add plantain, while another demanded that laboratory mortars be returned to productive use. Negotiations paused after campaigners requested soup with the prototype.

CSIR researchers have offered assurances that the project concerns packaging, but opponents remain unwilling to recognise cassava’s right to change professions. They have proposed manufacturing plastic substitutes only from cassava that has formally been rejected by a chop bar. Until then, the group says every bag factory must submit its harvest for tasting before production, with approval issued once there is nothing left to manufacture.

This is satire. The source story is real; the conclusions have been faithfully misinterpreted.